A J&H Entertainment Release
And on that point, members of the jury, ...
..I rest my case.
(camera shutter clicks)
(alarm clock rings)
HeIIo, Wanda.
Hi, Ken.
HeIIo, W-W-Wanda.
Ken, ...
..this is Otto.
HeIIo, Ken. Wanda's told me a Iot about you.
Hey! Great fish!
A squeeze of Iemon, some tartare sauce... perfect!
George back yet?
No, he had to g-g-go...
..to the b-b-b...
What?
That's quite a stutter you've got there, Ken.
(laughs) It's aII right, it doesn't bother me.
So er... George needs a weapons man, eh?
A cup of tea, Ken?
Y-y-y...
Yeah, he'd Iike one.
I had a good friend in the CIA, had a stutter.
Cost him his Iife, dammit.
(door opens)
Hi, George.
HeIIo, George.
Get you a Scotch?
Yeah.
George, ...
..this is Otto.
So, ...
..you're Wanda's brother?
Good to be here, George.
England is a fine country.
Did she teII you what we need?
(Ken gasps)
(Otto) Something Iike that?
Something Iike that.
HeIIo, Wendy.
Had a good day?
I spend the morning trying to get a waste disposal man.
At Iunch, Marjorie just complained about her husband...
..then I have to play three rubbers with Philippa.
I come back and Sandersons have sent the wrong flowers.
Oh, no!
Would you Iike some tea?
Yes.
I won the case.
This is the first moment I've had to myseIf aII day.
HeIIo, Portia! How was the show?
Awful, Daddy. I must have a new horse.
- But you Iiked Phantom. - He's not fit for dog meat.
Can I change him? It won't cost much.
- Oughtn't we... - I thought you were making tea.
- I am, darling. Sorry. - I'd better get it.
- No, no, let me do it. - No! I'II do it!
I won the case.
Now this is cracked.
They're worth about 1 00,000 each.
There are 1 35 of them.
That makes 1 3 miIIions, my friends.
DoIIars or pounds?
Pounds, pet.
This is the big one. So...
OK.
Yeah.
Otto?
Yes?
OK?
What?
The plan.
Yeah. Great. No problem.
What was the middle thing, about the police?
We don't meet up at Heathrow until Tuesday...
Yeah, yeah!
I haven't finished yet.
Because the police wiII watch aII the airports for 72 hours.
I know.
Do you want me to g-g-get...
..a b-b-big...
..c-c-car?
Getaway?
A Iimo, OK?
And put diplomatic plates on it.
What if he has to speak in the break-in?
Nobody says anything during a break-in.
It's OK, Otto. Ken's good.
So, next week, ...
..we won't have to Iook for work.
And it won't have to Iook for us.
Oscar Wilde.
You really Iike animals, don't you, Ken?
What's the attraction?
Because you can t-t-t...
..trust them, and they don't sh-sh-sh...
Shit on you?
Show off aII the time.
You know what Nietzsche said about them?
He said they were God's second blunder.
Bye, sis!
WeII, you teII him from me that I-I-I...
Bye, George.
If you talk to Mom, teII her I said hi.
- OK. - (Don't let him touch you.)
One more day, and we're together.
I'm sorry about my brother, Ken.
I know he's insensitive.
He's had a hard Iife.
Dad used to beat him up.
Good.
Aaagh!
(screaming)
Anybody moves and you're dead.
(alarm rings)
(dogs yap)
Look where you're going!
Chauvinist pig!
ReaIIy, people here just think they own the pavement.
(engine starts)
(brakes screech)
That was fun.
I Iove robbing the English.
- They're so polite. - The d-d-d...
- What is it, Ken? - The dog!
We didn't hit the dog.
- $20 miIIion and an insect worries him! - It's not an in-in...
Stutter's not getting any better. How about surgery?
(George) Shut up!
(siren)
Ken.
Bye!
Let's split.
- See you at Heathrow on Tuesday. - Lie Iow. No celebrating.
No celebrating?
See you in a couple of hours.
To $20 miIIion.
To a job weII done.
To us.
To the best brother and sister team since...
Romeo and Juliet?
Do you believe those Cockney klutzes bought our story?
What morons!
- I want you to know something. - What?
Even if you were my brother, I'd stiII want to fuck you.
Oooh!
Make the caII.
- Momento, carissima. - No!
- Eventuale! - No Italian!
Hey!
Per cominciare, due insalate verdi con peperoni.
- E Iinguine primavera... - No. No.
- Una cotoletta di viteIIo. - Make the caII, Otto.
Are you really Italian?
Absolutamente. Si!
My name is Otto. It means eight.
Say arrivederci a Giorgio.
Bye, George.
(ltalian accent) The police, please.
Otto!
(English accent) Yes, hello.
Sorry to trouble you, but you may Iike to know...
..that today's Hatton Garden robbery was puIIed off by Mr George Thomason.
He Iives at flat three, Kipling Mansions, ...
..Murray Road, London W9.
Wanda!
(siren)
(banging on door) Police! Open up!
Come on, open up!
Open the door, or we'll knock it down!
George Francis Thomason?
Passport, ...
..tickets, ...
..money!
(honks horn)
(Otto) Asshole!
(crashing)
We're rich, Wanda.
Yep?
I bet these weeks with me...
..have been the most exciting weeks of your Iife.
You said it.
(breathes deeply)
(calmly) OK.
OK.
Disappointed!
Sonofabitch!
What do you have to do to make people trust you?!
Shut up.
People are always taking advantage of me!
Shut up and think. Where's he moved it?
What are you doing?
I'm thinking!
Thinking what I'II do to him.
I'II hang him up with piano wire...
- Where are you going? - I'm going to talk to him.
Talk to who?
Talk to who?!
So, while instaIIing these windows, ...
..you knelt on some broken glass from the pane you had dropped.
That's right, sir.
Your parents can confirm this?
Yes, and his aunt, ...
..Georgina Thomason.
Good, Bartlett.
- (knock at door) - Yes?
Sorry to interrupt you, sir.
Thomason. A young Iady to see you.
- Anything else? - No, thanks. Do you have to dash off?
No, absolutely not.
George!
Ken's got the fish food. He'II be in Iater.
- Thanks. - De nada.
What do you think, Mr Leach?
We may be OK on the glass, but what else wiII they come up with?
(woIf whistling)
Oh, George!
Oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening.
That's not aIIowed in here, miss.
Are you OK?
It's aII right.
I don't think I can handle this.
I was too afraid to sleep Iast night...
Leave it out, Ieave it out, OK?
Listen, Iisten, Iisten.
Listen.
You stayed at my place.
We slept Iate.
You made me breakfast.
What?
What's he doing here?
He wanted to see you.
Who did it, George? Kevin Delaney?
Do you want me to rub him out?
Anything, you name it.
I have friends making enquiries.
Good.
The jewels are very safe.
If I get sent down, it aII gets handed back to cut my sentence.
Now, to cut my sentence even more, ...
..I could teII them who done it with me...
..if I wasn't very happy about everything.
What was the middle thing?
Piss off.
- You want me to spring you... - Now!
George?
You don't think...
Do you?
No!
No.
No!
OK.
- George. - What?
Are you sure the garage is very safe?
Trust me.
Thank you very much.
Thanks a Iot. Bye.
Have a good day.
So?
He's not sure it was you.
What about you?
No, no, he believes me.
That's why he can't figure out about you.
Figure out what?
Whether you turned him in or not, stupid!
Don't er...
..ever, ever, ever...
..caII me stupid. OK?
What?
That's George's Iawyer.
The other guy must be the barrister.
So?
Trust me.
Let me know if anything unexpected turns...
Excuse me.
Don't I recognise you?
No. No, I don't think so.
Oh.
You are a famous barrister, aren't you?
Erm...
WeII, hardly.
Could I have your autograph, anyway?
Yes, yes, certainly.
Thanks.
I'm studying aspects of your Iegal system.
I'm American.
Oh, really?
I've only just started. It's fascinating.
What er... What brings you here?
Oh, it's a Iittle embarrassing.
I... have a friend.
Oh!
I see.
There you are.
I knew it!
You're Archie Leash.
Leach.
Right.
I saw you in court!
Er... two weeks ago.
The casino break-in?
You were great!
Oh, I'm a big fan of yours.
I Iove the way you er...
..cross-examine.
Oh, I really admire your work.
Thank you.
- I'd better not... - I don't suppose...
No? Fine, right.
WeII, ...
Thank you for this.
I'II treasure it.
Au revoir.
You speak French, too!
What's going on?
Whatever George decides to do, he'II teII Leach first.
Why?
Because he's his Iawyer.
Yeah, I know that.
So I'm going to get to know Mr Leach.
So George wiII teII him where the diamonds are?
That's what I'm going to find out.
You done weII, my son.
Now, where are we going to hide it?
(inaudible)
Very good!
Don't teII Wanda anything.
Otto might get something out of her.
Now...
George.
You are going to g-get off?
Sure, don't worry about it, Ken.
We'II fix it.
Now, anything on Otto?
No. Not yet.
You watch him.
Ken!
OK.
Looks Iike the police have been aII over it.
Let me change clothes, then I'II help you Iook.
(English accent) HeIIo, ...
..K-K-Ken's p-p-pets.
Hey!
Wake up!
Wake up, Iimey fish!
So. How are you going to get friendly with this Iawyer?
I don't know. I'II improvise.
Fucking insects!
I thought Englishmen didn't Iike women, the way they talk.
No!
He's straight. He's kinda cute, too, in a pompous sort of way.
Have you got the hots for him?
I'm not into necrophilia, thanks.
(laughs)
What is this? Hump-a-Iimey week?
Otto doesn't approve.
Otto might get jealous.
E molto pericoloso, signorina.
Molto pericoloso...
Carissima.
Oh, speak it, speak it!
Un ossobuco milanese con piseIIi.
Melanzane parmigiana con spinaci.
Dov'è Ia farmacia?
Yes, yes, yes!
No, no, no.
- Si, si, si. - No, no, no.
No, not here.
Otto, not here.
Dov'è Ia Fontana di Trevi?
Not here, Otto!
Erm...
MozzareIIa...
Er... Parmigiana...
- Gorgonzola! - Otto, no!
(silence)
Wanda!
Look what I've got, Wanda.
Treasure!
Ssh!
Aaagh!
Ooh!
Oh, my God, Ken, it's you!
I thought it was the police again.
Isn't it horrible about George?
I've such a headache. Could you go and get me some aspirin?
- (clattering) - Shit.
- What's that? - My brother's using the bathroom.
- Otto? - Mm. We just went and saw George.
It was horrible, Ken, just horrible...
Isn't it terrible about George?
When I find the bastard who squealed!
I Iove that man!
What are you d-d-doing here?
What am I doing here?
Wanda was upset, Ken. She needed to talk to family.
Sh...
She's just had a sh-sh-shower.
I've got to speak to you.
(Wanda wails)
Are you OK, now, sis?
- I'm fine, thanks for coming. - CaII me if you need me.
What's up with you? Can't you think about her feelings?
Something f-f-funny is going on.
Oh dear, oh dear.
You don't know why you're excited.
- I saw the b... - Ken, Ken, Ken!
I didn't want to say anything while George was around.
Isn't it time you faced facts?
Come on!
You're a very attractive man.
You're smart.
You've got wonderful bones, ...
..great eyes, and you dress interestingly.
Wh-wh-wh...
We could have a Iot of fun together.
I think we'd be really good for each other.
What do you say?
You must be j-j-j...
May I kiss you, Ken?
No, you fucking can't!
Just a peck! No tongue!
No, no!
(Otto) Ken! Ken!
Ken!
OK. You didn't realise I was gay.
OK, no, Iook.
I'm sorry.
I've handled this badly.
Look, the physical side can wait.
You need time.
WiII you think about it?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Ken!
Somebody just caIIed!
They said that the police...
No, that the Ioot is in a garage in Fulham.
You and I have to go get it now.
We have to move it before the police find it.
No, no, no...
- What? - It's aII right!
- What? - Ge-Ge-Ge...
George...
M-m-m...
..moved...
George moved the Ioot?!
Yes.
Where did he move it, Ken?
Where did he move it?!
C-c-c...
I don't know where it is. There's a key for something.
It's in...
Don't teII me.
It's better that you don't teII me.
Oh, you know, if it wasn't for George...
Otto....
..tried to k-k-k...
..kiss me.
I thought he might.
No.
Nothing, no marks at aII.
But it is a safety deposit box key?
Yes, but there are miIIions of them, ...
..hotels, banks, offices.
Sorry.
Thank you.
(Fuck!)
That's him.
That's him, Inspector.
He's the one who tried to murder my dogs.
(doorbell rings)
Davidson!
An American Iegal student wants to see me for a moment.
- What time is Sir John due? - 1 2.30, sir.
Right.
Come in!
- Hi. - How very nice to see you.
Am I interrupting?
Absolutely not.
ReaIIy?
ReaIIy. Delighted to see you.
HeIIo.
So.
This is the place.
- This is it. - Very nice.
I was at the courts this morning. It's fascinating!
ReaIIy, so much to know,
Everybody wears these. Do you?
- Oh, ridiculous! - (giggles)
WeII, erm...
..I only have a few minutes. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
But until then, I'm aII yours, as they say.
I just have a couple of questions.
I'm having a Iittle problem...
..understanding preliminary criminal procedures.
What exactly is the committal?
Ah. Interesting.
BasicaIIy, it's a preliminary investigation...
..where the prosecution presents evidence...
..that the accused has a case to answer.
That's what it says in the book.
Let's take, for example, my friend George Thomason.
Right.
- His committal is on Wednesday... - Thomason?
Yes.
George Thomason?
Yes. Do you know him?
I'm defending him.
What are you talking about?
I'm his barrister, his Iawyer.
That's so great!
That's so weird, isn't that weird?
Oh, I'm so happy you're defending him!
Thank you.
He's sure to get off now.
Wow!
I can watch you work now!
PIease.
Amazing.
WeII, anyway.
At the committal, George would then plead...
Not guilty.
ReaIIy?
The evidence is Iargely circumstantial.
But wasn't there an identification?
True, but a very elderly Iady.
I think they've got the wrong man.
You don't think he did it?
No.
Let's just say, for argument's sake, ...
..that you did think he did it.
Sure, if more evidence against him came to Iight.
Right, right.
You would then advise him to plead guilty, ...
..and turn over the jewels to get his sentence cut.
And he would turn them over to who, to you?
TheoreticaIIy, yes, yes.
Oh, of course.
Erm. WeII er...
I'm so sorry, I've forgotten your name.
Wanda.
Wanda! What a fool, what a fool.
WeII, Wanda, there are three...
Not Wanda Gershwitz?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
What?
You're his alibi.
I can't talk to you!
Why not?
My dear Iady, you're a defence witness!
I'm sorry, I must ask you to Ieave.
What did I say?
It's not ethical for me to talk to a witness.
Everybody does it in America.
Not in England, it's forbidden.
I insist, or I may have to give up the case.
I'm sorry. PIease.
Oh, Archie.
I didn't come here to talk about boring criminal procedures.
Come on, you know!
You knew the minute I walked in here.
I want you.
What?
(intercom buzzes)
- HeIIo? - Sir John is here.
Show him in, please.
Make Iove with me.
- Pardon? - Nothing.
- WiII you take me to bed? - No, sorry.
Bye, Uncle.
Hi!
(rousing music)
He's pleading not guilty...
..so you're safe until the trial.
Leach doesn't think he did it.
Ken says there's a safe deposit box key, ...
..but only George knows where it is.
Thank you, Wanda(!)
What have you found out?
Not a Iot.
You realise he's in court tomorrow?
I know that!
So nothing, huh?
Nix.
Zip.
Diddly.
Bupkiss.
Niente.
Oh, it's too big!
- No, it isn't, Portia. - It's enormous!
- No, it isn't! - Oh, please, Mother!
No! Absolutely not!
I'm so miserable and you just don't care!
Do shut up, Portia!
AII I get, aII day, is people complaining to me.
Oh dear.
Ecco I'uomo.
Ooh, Ie due cupole grandi deIIa cattedrale di Milano.
Benito Mussolini!
Dov'è il Vaticano?
(mutters)
# Volare
# Oh-oh
# E cantare
# Oh-oh...
Archie, I want you to speak to her about plastic surgery.
- Hmm? - I do wish you'd Iisten to me.
I want you to speak to Portia.
I'II speak to her in the morning.
Goodnight, Archie.
Goodnight, Archie!
Goodnight, Wanda.
Goodnight, who?
Sorry, darling. Just a stupid case I've got tomorrow...
..with some Iousy old hag.
Are you George Francis Thomason...
..of Kipling Mansions, Murray Avenue, ...
..London W9?
Yes, sir.
The charge is one of armed robbery.
Are we ready for a committal, Mr Percival?
Yes, under Section 6.2, madam.
That is correct, 6.2.
Here are the statements, aII to be fuIIy bound, please.
Stand up, Mr Thomason.
You are committed to stand trial...
..at the Central Criminal Court.
There is some urgency about this case.
The main witness, Mrs Coady, ...
..is elderly and has had serious heart difficulties recently.
Is there any possibility that this case...
..might be put down for an early trial?
That is for the OId Bailey Iisting officer.
Take him down to the ceII, please, officer.
Hi, hon. How are you doing?
You Iook great. I Iove your hair.
Got time for a coffee?
- No, I've g-g... - Have you thought about it?
Why did he give you this?
Eileen Coady, 69 Basil Street.
Does he want you to send her flowers?
Do her shopping?
Show her a good time?
Rub her out?
He wants you to rub her out?
He's going to kiII her!
(laughs)
Fuck off, or I'II kiII you.
Limey fruits!
So the old Iady wiII m-meet with an accident?
- Eh, K-K-Ken? - Sssh. Sssh!
(laughs)
What's so funny?
Nothing. Just that wasting old Iadies isn't nice.
WeII, it's better than b-buggering people.
I bet you pound 1 you don't kiII her.
AII right.
I Iove watching your ass when you walk.
Is that beautiful or what?
Don't go near him!
He's mine!
pound 1 says you won't kiII her!
(laughs)
When could you Iook at it?
Let's think. My wife's going to the opera on Friday.
I'II Iook at it then and caII you on Saturday.
- I really appreciate it. Thanks. - Bye.
Hi.
I know we're not aIIowed to talk.
Give me a caII.
I can't.
PIease?
We're not aIIowed to speak.
We don't have to.
I don't want you for your conversation.
I'd Iove to...
(wails)
(continues howling)
- What happened? - Got a date, Friday.
(whistles)
(dogs yap)
Look here!
Do you mind not making that terrible noise?
My dogs wiII be having their nap.
Nice doggy.
Nice... doggy.
(snarling)
Otto, what are you doing?
It's a Buddhist meditation technique.
It focuses your aggression.
The monks did it before they went into battle.
What kind of Buddhism is this?
(honks horn)
(crashing)
Asshole!
It's an early Tantric meditation...
What is this?
To get information, I might have to get friendly with him.
WeII, we're ready now, at Iast.
Good. Enjoy the opera, darling.
- Your supper's in the fridge. - MarveIIous.
Be good.
When you say friendly, what are we talking about here?
Cordial? Courteous?
Supportive? What?
I don't know. Let's just see what happens.
So, friendly might include actual er...
..what, penetration?
I don't need your jealousy now.
- Jealousy? - Yes.
Hey, I'm merely curious. Me? Jealous of that fop?
What about my tits?
Does he get to handle them?
Yes. That's my forecast. I'II stand by that.
Nuzzling?
I think $20 miIIion is worth a nuzzle.
80% chance there.
- Sucking? - I thought you weren't jealous.
I'm not, I don't believe in jealousy, it's for the weak.
One thing, though.
Touch his dick, and he's dead!
I told your father to get the car serviced.
Aren't we going, then?
Oh, do shut up, Portia.
(Hurry up.)
Hi.
Do you despise me?
No, that's not a word that Ieaps to mind.
Can I stay, then?
Of course. Look, ...
- Wanda... - I know.
Your wife's coming back.
No, it's not her. She'II be hours.
It's about what I said to you.
It is aII right for us to speak.
It is?
Provided that we don't discuss the case.
Oh.
Oh, fine.
It's just, if anyone saw us talking...
Oh, but they won't.
Sorry if I seem...
..pompous.
Oh, you're the best, Archie.
No.
Not yet.
I'm thirsty.
What shaII I get you?
Whisky.
You are the sexiest, most beautiful girl...
..I have ever seen...
..in my entire Iife.
Get me my drink.
(Wanda giggles)
(Wanda sighs)
Oh, Archie.
Mm, Archie.
So.
If George decides to change his plea, ...
..he'd teII you where the Ioot is first, wouldn't he?
Mm?
Darling, we mustn't talk about the trial, OK?
I know. I just meant theoreticaIIy.
Kiss me there.
Oh. TheoreticaIIy.
Erm.
(mumbles)
(mumbling) ..to his Iegal representative...
What's the matter?
Oh, it's wonderful, Archie.
Ooh!
Aah!
What? What, darling?
- You're getting me hot! - Sorry.
I need something to drink.
Something cold?
Maybe in the fridge?
Champagne?
Oh, my favourite.
Don't go away.
Je reviens!
What are you doing here?
- Relax! - Get the fuck out of here!
- Your moaning worried me. - I was faking it, stupid!
Don't ever caII me stupid.
- And I'm not jealous. - Then Ieave!
OK!
It's a nice place.
Don't touch his dick!
His wife, his wife!
(Wendy chatters)
For goodness sake, get off to bed.
God, there isn't any ice.
Champagne!
Aaagh!
What's the matter?
What are you doing?
Champagne, dear. To welcome you home.
Erm... let me pour you a glass.
Whose is the car?
The car?
BIocking the drive?
There you are, dear. Cheers.
Nice to see you again.
How was the opera?
- Finished early, did it? - Whose car is it?
Mine.
It's a beauty, isn't it?
Where did I Ieave my drink, Archie?
Who is this?
Don't you know?
How do you do, Mrs Leach?
I'm Harvey Manfren... jensen... jen.
- I'm... with the CIA. - The CIA?
That's correct, ma'am.
I was er... just teIIing your husband...
..before I had to go to your beautiful bathroom.
We've got a high-ranking KGB defector in a safe house near here.
We're debriefing him as of now...
..and we're just er...
..checking aII the houses in the area.
- For what? - For KGB.
- Is there any danger? - No, no, no, no.
No er... No, not now.
We er...
We just want to keep everyone informed.
So. Archie, thanks for the drink.
Sorry to have troubled you...
Keep everyone informed?
So there's no panic, ma'am.
But isn't it a secret?
You've no idea how secret.
WeII, why are you teIIing everyone?
It's a smoke screen?
What?!
(Otto) Double bluff.
You obviously know nothing about inteIIigence work.
It's an XK Red 27 technique.
My father was in the Secret Service, Mr Manfredjen St John.
I know perfectly weII you don't keep the public informed...
..when you are debriefing KGB defectors.
Oh, you don't, huh(?)
Not unless you're congenitaIIy insane or stupid, no.
Don't caII me stupid.
Why on earth not?
Oh, you English are so superior, aren't you?
Do you know where you'd be...
..without us, the old US of A to protect you?
I'II teII you.
The smaIIest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what!
So don't caII me stupid, Iady.
Just thank me.
Thank you for popping in and protecting us(!)
If it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking German!
# Deutschland, Deutschland
# Über alles
He's covering for me. Get rid of your wife and get my necklace.
Necklace. I'II think of something.
- Who are you talking to? - Myself, darling.
- Who was that shouting? - Th-th-the brother of a f-friend.
(Wendy) Archie, who on earth...
I don't know. He...
- I need a drink. - Let's go to the pub.
What?!
Let's go to the pub.
Would you Iike to, Portia?
We haven't been for 1 5 years!
Portia could see it now.
Honestly, Archie!
Aaagh!
What on earth is the matter?
I thought the picture was faIIing off.
WiII you puII yourseIf together?!
What's this?
Thanks, Portia. Coming with us?
(Wendy) What was that?
- A kind of necklace. - Aah!
What's going on?
Nothing. Let's go.
Can I see that?
- What? - In your hand.
Your other hand.
(tuts)
Portia, go to your room.
Aren't we going out?
I can explain. I Ieft...
Now!
- They sent a new girl... - Oh, Archie.
No, she's Canadian...
It's Iovely. Thank you.
It's even got a W for Wendy.
Oh, I'm so glad you Iike it.
It's the most beautiful thing you've ever given me.
Oh, Archie. This isn't Iike you.
Are you fucking crazy?!
Hey, I saved your ass.
I had him right where I wanted him, you asshole!
(Wanda) I give you one fucking thing to!
(Wanda) You had to drive me and shut up!
(Otto) Oh, relax!
(car pulls off)
(phone rings)
HeIIo.
Hold on.
It's for you.
HeIIo.
Not at the moment, no.
Yes, weII, I'm not quite sure when I can get hold of that.
Yes, yes, I do appreciate that.
Yes. As soon as possible.
WeII, that would be very nice, obviously.
So. Erm...
See you soon, I hope.
Bye, Frank.
(dog snarls)
Calm down. Calm down!
Easy, g-g-girl. Easy, easy!
(dogs yap)
Come here!
SmeII. SmeII!
SmeII, Maggie, smeII.
KiII, kiII!
KiII!
(Ken) KiII!
(church bells toll)
We therefore commit its body to the ground.
Earth to earth.
Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.
(choir sings)
# Miserere Dominus
# Canis mortuus est...
HeIIo, honey.
What happened?
N-n-nothing.
What's that?
Er...
Not Granny?
Not yet.
Oh. Who is it for, then?
A f-f-f...
A fish? Frenchman?
- A phone operator? - Friend.
Oh, a four-Iegged one? (laughs)
Where's my sister?
She's in the b-b-b...
Thank you.
Lavatory.
Wanda!
Anything?
What? No?
(shouts) Why are you here?
I'm here because I'm bored!
Bored, wandering around this awful city, shoving George's pic...
Talking to a Iot of snotty, stuck-up, inteIIectuaIIy inferior British faggots.
They get rigor mortis in the prime of Iife in this country!
Standing there with their hair clenched...
..counting the seconds tiII the weekend, ...
..so they can dress up Iike baIIerinas...
..at the flat at four...
2B, Saint...
To be honest, I er... hate them.
I mean, pretending they're so fucking lawyer...
So fucking superior with those phoney accents.
Not you, Ken. You've got a beautiful voice...
..when it works.
Sonofabitch!
(shouts) So er... Want to have some Iunch?
Have you heard from him?
- Who? - Archie.
(shouts) No, I have to finish my hair!
Nothing?
OK, I'm out of here!
No plans to see him?
No.
OK, bye, bro!
Bye, Wanda!
Oh, sorry.
- What?! - It wasn't theirs to seII.
A old Iady gave it to them to engrave.
Someone put it in the display cabinet...
- That's their problem. - No. LegaIIy...
You paid for it!
They accept their mistake and they're offering you this.
It's much more valuable.
I adore this and you want me to give it back...
- I don't want... - They can't have it.
- Wendy. - No. No!
- Wendy! - NO!
TeII them they can't have it!
You're the bloody barrister!
- HeIIo. - HeIIo.
Oh, Archie, it's beautiful.
It's just beautiful.
Oh, my God, Iook!
Oh, Archie, it's beautiful.
Isn't it wonderful?
Whose is it?
It belongs to someone at the chambers.
And where are they?
Hong Kong.
Ah so.
Gone for weeks.
Nice rug, Archie.
May I?
Archie, what are you doing?
The polka, I think.
You make me feel free!
Free?
Do you have any idea what it's Iike being English?
Being so correct aII the time?
Being so... stifled by this dread of doing the wrong thing?
Asking someone, 'Are you married?'...
..and hearing, 'My wife Ieft me.'
Or saying, 'Do you have children?'...
..and hearing, 'They burned to death yesterday.'
Wanda, we're aII terrified of embarrassment.
That's why we're so... dead.
Most of my friends are dead.
We have these piles of corpses to dinner.
But you're alive, God bless you.
And I want to be. I'm so fed up with aII this.
I want to make Iove with you, Wanda.
I'm a good Iover.
At Ieast, I used to be in the early 1 4th century.
Can we go to bed?
Yeah.
Hang on!
Mind your head.
Agh! Aagh!
Aaagh! Aaagh!
I think I Iove you, Wanda.
Oh, Archie.
Can I ask you a question?
Anything.
Where's my Iocket?
I couldn't get it.
What?
Wendy wouldn't give it back. Look...
I got you this instead.
Do you Iike it?
No. Archie, I have to have mine.
What's the matter? Why?
My mother gave it to me...
..on her death... bed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
AII right, darling.
I'II get it for you.
You promise?
I'II think of something.
Sex is very, very difficult for me...
..with somebody that I don't trust completely.
I promise I'II get it. OK?
Ooh! I Iove you, Archie.
(Wanda) I've Ioved you ever since the first second I saw you!
(thud)
What was that?
What?
Your brother didn't bring you here this time?
No.
He's no idea?
He doesn't have a clue.
What?
He is so dumb...
ReaIIy?
He thought the Gettysburg Address was where LincoIn Iived.
(laughter)
Those terrible Iies he told about the CIA!
So painful!
When he heard your daughter's name was Portia, ...
..he said, 'Why did they name her after a car?'
(hysterical laughter)
I Iove the way you Iaugh!
I Iove you, you're funny.
How come a girl as bright as you...
..can have a brother who's so...
Don't caII me stupid.
(screaming)
Jesus Christ!
Ouch! Otto!
Come on!
I'II deal with you Iater!
What have you done with her?
- She's aII right! - (banging at door) Otto!
Now, apologise.
What?
(Wanda) Shit!
Are you totaIIy deranged?
You pompous, ...
..stuck-up, snot-nosed, ...
..English, giant twerp, ...
..scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead asshole!
How very interesting.
You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?
You're the vulgarian, you fuck!
Now, apologise!
What? Me to you(?)
Apologise.
AII right, I apologise.
You're really sorry?
I'm really, really sorry.
I apologise unreservedly.
You take it back?
I do. I offer a complete and utter retraction.
The imputation was totally without basis in fact, ...
..and was in no way fair comment.
It was motivated purely by malice.
I deeply regret any distress...
..my comments may have caused you or your family.
I hereby undertake not repeat...
..any such slander at any time in the future.
OK.
(screams)
(church bells toll)
# Miserere Dominus
# Canis mortuus est...
You said you Ioved him!
Right, Otto! Here's a multiple choice question.
A. Wanda was Iying.
B. Wanda was teIIing the truth.
Which one are you going to pick?
What was the first one?
You said you were not seeing him!
I knew you'd come and fuck it up!
I was dealing with something delicate.
I'm setting up a guy who's important to us.
He knows where the Ioot is and if you'II be arrested.
You Iope in Iike Rambo without a jockstrap...
..and dangle him from a window!
Now, was that smart?!
Was it shrewd?
Was it good tactics, or was it stupid?!
Don't caII me stupid.
Oh, right!
To caII you stupid is an insult to stupid people!
I've known sheep that could outwit you.
I've worn dresses with higher IQs.
You think you're an inteIIectual, don't you, ape?
Apes don't read philosophy.
Yes, they do. They just don't understand it.
Let me correct you on a couple of things, OK?
Aristotle was not Belgian.
The central message of Buddhism...
- ..is not every man for himself. - You read...
The London Underground is not a political movement.
Those are mistakes. I Iooked 'em up.
Now. You have just assaulted...
..the one man who can keep you out of jail and make you rich.
So what are you going to do about it, huh?
What would an inteIIectual do?
What would PIato do?
(Apologise.)
Pardon me?
(Apolo...)
What?
Right!
I'm sorry.
No.
Not to me.
To Archie.
And make it good, or we're dead.
Oh, I'm so very, very, very, very s...
Fuck you!
I'm s...
I'm very, very s...
I'm so...
..very s...
Very, very s...
Very, very...
..ssfff...
(glass smashes)
Ugh!
(Otto) HeIIo, Mr Burglar!
Going somewhere?
Think you can rob Mr Leach?
I'II teach you a Iesson.
He's a very good friend of mine.
(muffled) Otto! Otto!
He'II be very pleased with me when he finds you aII tied up...
..and ready for the police!
And don't caII me Otto.
To you, I am Mr...
Aagh!
Oh, God.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
PIease.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you.
How could I know it was you?
I mean, how could you expect me to guess?
Stupid jerk!
What the fuck are you doing robbing your own house?
You asshole!
You stupid, stiff, pompous English...
Agh!
I'm sorry.
Er... Er...
Yeah.
(door opening)
(Wendy screams)
(Wendy) God AImighty!
BIoody heII!
(footsteps on stairs)
Darling!
Are you hurt?
Speak to me! Are you hurt?
(groans)
Can't you speak?
Archie! Archie, what has happened?
(coughs)
Archie, we've been burgled.
Oh, no!
WeII, are you hurt?
No, I'm... I'm fine.
Bit of a headache. I er...
I came in here, somebody hit me, tied me up...
My God, is that the time?
What?
I didn't realise it was quite so Iate.
What?!
I'm Iate for a conference.
You've just been attacked!
It's nothing, I must fly. Sorry.
- Archie! - I'II help you tidy up Iater!
HeIIo, Portia.
What's happened?
Your father has finaIIy gone completely mental.
Hi.
Archie!
Thank you so much.
Champagne?
OK.
(cork pops)
- To us. - To us.
I went back to the house, and guess who...
(smashes glass)
Let's make Iove!
WeII, if you absolutely insist...
No.
What?
Here. On the rug.
I'II be right back.
Get undressed.
Why not?
Why not indeed!?
Afterwards, ...
Yeah?
..let's go to South America.
What?
Let's fly to South America.
Why South America?
OK, ... Iceland?
What do you really want out of Iife?
I don't know.
Why do I Iike you so much?
Archie.
Hm?
Do you speak Italian?
I am Italian!
Sono italiano in spirito.
Ma ho sposato una donna che preferisce Iavorare in giardino...
..a fare I'amore appassionato.
Uno sbaglio grande!
But it's such an ugly Ianguage.
How about... Russian?
Yest' sila blagodatnaya sozvuchiy slov zhivykh.
(thud)
Kamina tozhe ni trudnuyu tyesnitsya Iyubosyat'sya grust'.
Odnu molitvu chudnuyu tverzhdaya naizust'.
V dushe kak bremya skatyatsya somneniya daleko.
I varitsya i plachetsya, i tak Iegko...
Archie!
Yeah?
Are you rich?
No, no, I'm afraid not.
What about the house?
Oh, that's Wendy's. She's the rich one.
Oh.
Yest' sila blagodatnaya sozvuchiy slov zhivykh.
I tushit nyeponyatnaya, svetlaya, prelyestnaya rech'.
V dushe kak bremya skatyatsya somneniya daleko.
I varitsya i plachetsya, i tak Iegko!
- What the heII are you doing? - I might ask you the same question!
Who are you?
What?!
Get your clothes on.
- WiII you Ieave immediately, please? - What?!
You're in the wrong flat.
This flat belongs to Patrick Balfour.
He's in Hong Kong.
He Ient me the key. Now get out!
We Ieased it from the agents Iast weekend.
Yes, weII obviously that changes things a bit. Erm...
Aren't you Archie Leach?
What?
You bought our house in Lissendon Gardens.
Hazel and Ian Johnson.
What a coincidence!
Ha...
How nice to see you.
(dials number)
(phone rings)
HeIIo.
Hello, Wanda. It's Archie
I can't see you any more. I've got to end it.
I'm sorry.
What?
I'm sorry.
(hangs up)
Archie?
Er...
OK.
Oh, no, no. PIease.
(Otto) Look, I want to apologise.
I just finished it.
OK, OK, wait.
Where are you going? I want speak with you.
WiII you Ieave me alone?
I've ended it, aII right?
Wait! I want to say I'm sorry.
It's aII over, OK? It's over.
- AII right! - Jesus Christ!
- Calm down! - Someone help me!
- PIease believe me! - It's aII right!
Don't beat me up again. I've had a terrible day.
WiII you shut up?!
Jesus Christ, don't kiII me!
Shut up, then.
OK.
Look.
I just want to apologise...
..sincerely...
(whimpers)
When I hung you from the window.
I'm really....
It was not a nice thing to do.
Then when I attacked you in there.
I'm really, s...
How did I know you were robbing your house?
I was trying to help!
Yes. Thanks. Otto.
I wanted you to trust me.
PIease, it was my fault.
- That's true. - Yeah.
Now, about my sister.
Otto, ...
She's a very sexy girl.
I understand you wanting to play around with her.
It's OK, I was wrong. I'm sorry!
I was jealous.
Just go ahead, pork away, pal.
Fuck her blue.
I Iike you, Archie.
I just want to help.
(dog yaps)
(pulley rattles)
Oh, God!
(man) Send for an ambulance!
Shocking!
I did it!
I did it! I did it!
Unbe-fuck-alievable!
Thomason!
Yeah?
You done weII, my son.
Now, here's the plan.
You get four tickets for this evening for Rio, first class.
- Then... - F-f-f...
Yeah, four.
We get rid of Otto Iater.
Then, back to the flat, pack, coIIect me.
Then to the Cathcart Towers Hotel to pick up the jewels.
Unbe-fuck-alievable!
Oi! Oi!
(hums The Conga)
It's so exciting, I can't believe it!
He's s-s-safe.
(phone rings)
I'm going to be Iate for court!
H-HeIIo.
HeIIo, Otto.
No, she just er... I-I-Ieft.
Oh, and Otto...
You owe me a p-p-p...
What?
You owe me a p-p-pound.
Not Granny?
M-met with an accident.
BuIIshit! You're Iying.
Dead?
I don't believe this.
So, George wiII be out this afternoon.
We aII go out to Heathrow, ...
..coIIect the Ioot and...
(imitates plane)
AII thanks to me.
So the Ioot's at the airport, is it, Ken?
What's h-h-happening?
WeII, Ken.
I'm going to ask you some questions...
..while I eat my chips.
First.
Who was the philosopher...
..who developed the concept of the superman...
..in Also Spracht Zarathustra?
No?!
That's a chip up the nose, I'm afraid.
Friedrich Nietzsche.
Next.
In which book did Nietzsche claim...
..that almost aII higher culture is based on cruelty?
Are you thinking or are you in mid-stutter?
You're m-mad.
Beyond Good And Evil.
I'II have to ask you an easy one.
OK. Erm...
Let me think, let me think.
Where are the diamonds?
I'II give you a clue.
Somewhere round the airport.
(stutters)
No hassle, there's plenty of time.
I'II just sit here and eat my chips tiII you teII me.
The English contribution to world cuisine.
The chip.
What do the English usuaIIy eat with chips...
..to make them more interesting?
Wait a moment!
It's fish, isn't it?!
Here, boy.
Down the hatch.
Delicious!
You b-b-b...
Better eat the green one? OK?
What's this one's name?
WeII, not Wanda, anyway.
I'm going to caII her Lunch.
HeIIo, Lunch. HeIIo!
Eugh!
Avoid the green ones.
They're not ripe yet.
You were in court, Inspector, when the forensic evidence was read?
Yes, sir.
And the fact that Mr Thomason was instaIIing windows...
..the previous weekend, ...
..would explain the presence of smaII particles of glass on his trousers.
No hurry, Inspector.
PIease do take your time.
I'm almost fuII.
AImost.
(gasps) Stop!
PIease, don't.
Come on, Wanda!
(sobs)
Gullet time!
What are the names of those hotels by the airport?
The Airway Sheraton?
The Post House?
The Cathcart Towers?
The Cathcart Towers? Yes?
Mm? Mm?
Yes.
In the safe deposit box?
Yes.
(muffled) Where's the key?
What?
Where's the key?
It's in the t-t-tank.
Where? Where?
In the t-t-t...
Treasure chest!
Where?!
Where?
Oh!
You m-m-m...
..murdering k-k-k...
I'II kiII you, I'II kiII you!
Sorry, Ken, but your answer was incorrect.
StiII, you really did think it was in there, didn't you?
(snorts)
What?
Oh!
- HeIIo? - I know where the diamonds are.
Where?
Where's the key?
I've got it.
When can you get to George's apartment?
You are Wanda Gershwitz, ...
..of Kipling Mansions, Murray Road, London W9?
Yes.
Would you teII the court, ...
..how do you know the defendant?
We've had a relationship for two years.
Relationship?
We're Iovers, your Iord.
(coughs)
Miss Gershwitz, on 4th March of this year, ...
..in the morning, ...
..where were you?
At the apartment at Murray Road.
And were you by yourself, or was anyone else present?
No. Somebody else was there.
Who was that?
My brother.
Did your b... ?
Your brother?
My brother.
Yes.
Yes, and...
Are you quite sure it was your brother?
I'm sure she can recognise her brother.
W-w-was there anyone else present that morning?
Yes, George was there.
But he Ieft about 6.55.
Wanda!
I-I wonder...
I wonder...
Yes, Mr Leach?
I Wendy... I Wanda...
I wonder... I w-w-w...
Wh-when you say 6.55, ...
..Miss er... Gershwitz, ...
..how can you be so sure?
Oh, I Iooked at the clock.
Cos I said to myself, ...
'Where could he be going at 6.55 with that sawn-off shotgun?'
Darling!
Mr Leach.
Darling?
Yes, dear?
You bitch!
You fucking bitch!
(Wanda screams)
Restrain that man!
Restrain this man.
Come 'ere, you bastard!
CIear the court! I'm adjourning this for an hour.
CIear the court!
CIear the court! CIear the court!
Officers, arrest that man!
CIear the court! CIear the court!
(Wendy) BIoody heII!
It's my husband, he's been hit.
Ah, you made it. Good.
A bit of a knock, I'm afraid.
I have never been so humiliated in my Iife.
You can stick this marriage right in your bottom!
I'II see you in court.
Yes.
WeII.
That's it, then.
George.
- What? - We've got to talk.
TeII those pigs to fuck off.
Fuck off, pigs.
Did you hear what I said?
Fuck off.
What's she up to, George?
What are you up to?
You caIIed her darling, ...
..and Wanda.
I've been helping her get her evidence straight.
It slipped out.
Have you been coaching her?
What do you think?! We've got ten minutes.
They'II find you guilty, right?
PIead guilty now, teII them where the Ioot is, you may get...
..eight years, out in five and a half.
What if I teII them about Otto... and Wanda?
- They both did it? - Yeah.
Great, aII right.
Maybe six years, out in four?
So where are the diamonds?
Where's Bartlett?
Upstairs, calming things down.
So, where are they?
TeII Bartlett Ken knows where they are.
George, it'd be a Iot quicker if you told me.
OK! I'II teII Bartlett.
Where's Ken?
He's at the flat.
(Wanda wails)
Thank you for aII your help.
I'II be right out.
Taxi! Taxi!
PIease... shit!
Taxi!
Come on.
- What? - Let's go.
- Where? - Buenos Aires.
- What? - We're going to George's flat first.
Get in.
Got your passport?
Yeah.
Check the briefcase for mine.
Get your head down.
So, you robbed the jeweIIer's, turned one Iover in, ...
..and kept one to help you find the diamonds.
When he does, you commit perjury in court.
Everyone does it in America.
Not in this country!
Right(!) Nobody Iies in England.
- Like Margaret Thatcher never Iied. - You Iied to me from the start.
- You just wanted to get me into bed. - I feII in Iove with you!
How come you dumped me, then?
I wasn't rich enough, remember?
Say something in Russian.
No!
What are you thinking, Archie?
I'm trying to find one good reason...
..why I should take you away with me.
How about...
..because I have the key to the safety deposit box.
(both) That's a good reason!
What do we do about Otto?
I'II handle Otto.
Be careful, he's dangerous.
So am I.
Keep it running.
- Why did you bring him? - Otto, wait!
- I'm beginning to think you Iike him! - Wait!
Let's get the diamonds!
Ken!
(groans)
Are you Ken?
How do you do?
I'm George's barrister.
(brakes screech)
(crashing)
Oh, my God!
(Otto) Asshole!
- What the bloody heII... - (gunshot)
Oh, aII right, then.
Archie!
Where have they gone?
Quick! Where have they gone?
They've go... they've go...
What?
(splutters)
Are you aII right?
Where have they gone?
They've gone to the...
..the Ca-ca-ca...
- Are you iII? - No, no, no.
What?
Ca-ca-ca...
Have you got a stutter?
Yeah, I have. A bit.
OK, fine. Don't worry.
Do you know where they've gone?
Yeah.
Fine, fine. Where?
The Ca-ca...
..Hotel.
Hotel?
Which hotel?
Ca...
The Ca... The Ca...
Go on, go on.
Ca-ca-ca...
It's OK.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
SIowly. Very slowly.
SIowly.
The Ca...
The Caa...
The...
..Ca...
The Caa...
No hurry.
The C-C-Caaa...
Sing it. Sing.
# The Caa
# The Caa, the Caa
# Caa
PIenty of time.
# Caa
# The Caa
Oh, come on!
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Erm...
# The Caa
Here. Write it.
Cathcart Towers Hotel?
Cathcart Towers Hotel.
Where is it?
Ken, where is it? Where?!
No, no, no.
(imitates aeroplane roar)
Heathrow Airport.
(honks horn)
Hey! What's the idea?
You can't stay...
Terribly sorry. Take it, it's yours.
Thank you so much.
Er... British Airways to Rio.
Rio? Terminal Four.
Thank you.
Excuse me, sir. Is this your vehicle?
I'II be with you in a moment.
I'II be right back.
Aisle or window? Smoking or non-smoking?
What was the middle one?
Anything in non-smoking, thanks.
Gate 1 4 is boarding now.
Rio!
Otto, don't Iook back, there's a cop behind us.
Quick!
Yes, we can just do it, Mr Leach.
Great.
- Luggage? - (thud)
Don't really need any.
- Gate 1 4. - Thank you.
Ciao, stupidissimo.
Ow!
Aargh!
(gunshots)
Come on, Archie.
Pick up the phone.
Ticket, sir. Airport security.
May I see your boarding pass?
Oh, yes. Certainly.
Very good. Would you mind stepping over here, please?
Of course.
- Oh, Iook, the Queen. - Where?
OK, OK, OK, don't get excited.
OK, OK, OK.
Oh, it's you! I was actuaIIy worried for a minute.
- Keep your hands up. - No!
- Put 'em up! - I'II make a deal with you.
I'II put one up.
Put the other one up!
Which Iooks better?
I'm warning you, Otto.
What are you going to do?
Shoot me? Gun me down in cold blood, Iike a dog? Hey?
If you want to settle something, fight me. You're a man.
Let's fight Iike men! Come on!
AII right.
AII right, then.
OK. OK.
You Iook good, Arch.
That's right. I used to box for Oxford.
Oh, yeah? WeII, I used to kiII for the CIA.
Now, get your hands up.
No.
(laughs) You spineless bimbo.
Now, out.
I'm going to have to shoot you now, Archie.
But I've got a Iittle time before my plane Ieaves...
..and I'm Ionging to humiliate you.
So get in that barrel.
What?
In the barrel.
Right.
You English!
You think you're so superior, don't you?
WeII, you're the filth of the planet.
- A bunch of pompous, ... - (chugging)
..badly-dressed, poverty-stricken, ...
..sexuaIIy repressed footbaII hooligans.
Goodbye, Archie.
At Ieast we're not irretrievably vulgar.
Your problem is you don't Iike winners.
- Winners? - Yeah.
Winners.
Winners Iike...
..North Vietnam?
Shut up!
We did not Iose Vietnam!
It was a tie!
I'm teIIing ya, baby, they kicked a Iittle ass there.
Boy, they whupped your hide real good!
No, they didn't.
- Oh, yes, they did. - No, they didn't.
Oh, yes, they did.
Oh, no they...
Shut up!
Goodbye, Archie.
Are you gonna shoot me?
Er yes, I'm afraid so, old chap.
Sorry!
Look, Otto. Look.
Revenge.
It's K-K-Ken!
C-c-coming to k-k-kiII me.
How are you going to c-c-catch me, K-K-Ken?
Now, where was I?
Oh, yeah.
Shit! God!
Fucking Iimey cement!
Ken! Ken!
Wait, wait, Ken!
Kenny! May I caII you Kenny?
Remember Wanda?
I got the deal of a Iifetime!
50-50. What do you say?
OK, OK, 60-40.
That's my final offer.
Revenge!
Wait, I got an idea.
You take it aII.
Here's my boarding pass. Ken!
I'm gonna... I'm gonna k-k-kiII you.
OK, fine, Ken. Come at me.
Give me your best shot.
Go on, you don't have the guts.
Admit it.
OK, you have the guts.
Good. Wait.
Death!
AII right, I'm sorry I ate your fish, OK?!
I'm sorry!
Revenge!
Jesus, I said I'm sorry.
What the fu...? Aaagh!
Got him!
(engines roar)
(laughs) Gotcha again!
You bastard!
Hey! I've Iost my stutter.
It's gone.
I can speak.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, ...
..if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(laughs)
Good afternoon, sir.
Boarding pass?
(panting)
Buongiorno, signorina.
Now, Iisten. Two things.
One.
Behave yourseIf from now on, or I'II break your neck, OK.
Two.
Gorbachov.
GIasnost.
Molotov.
BIinis.
Er... Lenin.
(Archie) Pushkin.
Chicken Kiev.
Good. Dostoevsky.
Roubles.
Vladivostok.
(engines roar)
Assho-o-ole!